Not a goodbye, more of a bye-bye-bye-bye.

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

My Mum never says bye to me. Years ago she said it's because she thinks 'goodbye' is too final. 'See you!' feels like a less loaded term. Or something along those lines.

Sometimes she says 'bye' but she says it super quick, almost like she's avoiding a jinx. So it's not 'bye', it's 'byebyebyebye'. Subsequently I do it back.

My daughter now says this, if she's pretending to be on the phone. 'Haha, yeah. Okay. Love you. Bye bye bye bye bye!'

I'm waffling on because I'm avoiding the subject here. Can you tell?

***

I started this blog pre-kids, when I was a nursery nurse, full-time. I was much more involved with church life, helping out at youth and Sunday School, and so on. Life was busy but happy. 

And I was tired.

I remember waking up in the mornings and bursting into tears because I was just so tired. I had no reason to be - I was in my early twenties (sigh), newly married, carefree, not many responsibilities. I was just exhausted. 

I went to see a doctor, for blood tests, but nothing was wrong.

I was just exhausted. For no reason at all.

I mean, maybe it was God's way of training me in preparation for the babies, particularly Baby Boy, who was one of the worst sleepers I have ever known. But it was frustrating me. Also, I'd lost a lot of my kind of new-Christian-fire. I was becoming one of those people that turned up to do all my church duties but didn't allow myself room to think about God in between.

So I started the blog. It was a way of making myself accountable to my closest friends. It was to be a space for me to reflect on my faith. (In case you were wondering, it was named after a chapter in one of my favourite ever books, Lisa Bevere's Lioness Arising). And then it grew, naturally, and changed, as I went on, and I discovered I still liked to write quite a lot, and as we had children, and my role completely changed. And the blog has been there this whole time - through sleepless nights and stressful times and a faith crisis and many happy moments, and I've met nice people through it and had my confidence boosted because of it.

But the time has come, I feel. I keep sitting down to write posts but I've hit a wall with it.

***

I've hit a wall, for sure. And I want to talk more in depth about my faith, which is what I originally started it for. I want to talk more about feminism, which I have discovered more about since beginning the blog. I still want to write about motherhood, of course, which I will do, especially on The Motherload. And I feel like the back history of posts here is too big and unwieldy to truly start afresh. I've also wanted to start using WordPress for a while.

So I'll be blogging over at my new website, which is here. I'll be switching all my social media over to reflect that on Friday, so if you follow me already, you won't have to do anything. I'll keep paying for the domain space here, because it means a lot to me, and I like to look back on it. 

To be honest, it always amazes me that anyone takes the time to read this (seriously - people say 'oh, I read your blog' and for a moment I feel totally bewildered. Every time), and I'm probably coming across as really self-indulgent here, but I wanted to say goodbye to this particular blog, and thank it for everything.

So there we go.

Bye-bye-bye-bye-bye.

5 comments:

  1. Glad to hear you'll still be posting, just differently, elsewhere. I have much enjoyed this space - best wishes!

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    1. Thank you, and thank you for reading! It means a lot x

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  2. Will you have an email subscribe button on your WP blog Meg? I'd love to still read your posts and I don't use the 'reader.' It's how I prefer to keep up to date :) x

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    1. Thanks Shaz, I've just put the subscribe button in! Still getting my head around WP. So much to learn! x

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    2. Yay! I've subscribed (I love WP!). x

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