choose.

Saturday, 24 November 2012

I met up with the girls this week and we talked a little bit about the blog. I made the joke, 'I've already posted once this week so I don't have to do it again yet!' trying to be self-deprecating but also revealing how unbelievably lazy I really am.

So fear not friends! Here I am, posting again. It's gonna be profound!

Well, if it's gonna be profound, its because of an email I got this week. I had some advice from a very good friend about my general lethargy towards God and faith and stuff, and her response was pretty much what I needed (but not necessarily wanted) to hear, and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her:
 Faith is a choice - you choose to believe whether you feel like it or not, you choose to trust, whether it feels logical or not, you choose to follow, whether or not you feel rebellious ...
I love the truth in that. I hate it too, obviously. But I love it more.

So today, I chose to listen to a podcast by a church whose teachers I trust whilst pottering around the house, instead of curling up in a ball on my sofa and watching back to back episodes of IT Crowd. I chose to pick up my Bible and, although I only read one passage, I still felt it.

It's that feeling I get, when I pick it up and feel the weight of the knowledge and heart inside it. When I run my thumb over the creases in the cover and remember all the times I have desperately needed these words before. When I flick through it and find passages highlighted and underlined and little notes to myself written in the margins. When I see particular passages with loads of numbers written around it.

It was John Lancaster that got me onto that: putting dates into my Bible, when I have relied on a particular passage or found it to be profound or challenging. I listened to him preach at our church, and he was talking about how to get into the Bible, which translations to trust, etc, and I sat there, pen in hand, but I was so interested that I forgot to write anything else. I only remembered to scribble: write down dates. Now, when I flick through my Bible, most of the time I can't remember for the life of me why, on the 22nd of August 2009, a particular passage of John really stuck out to me, but sometimes I do remember. Sometimes, though, it's just enough to remind me of the journey that I'm on with God. It's enough to remember that there's history there, that this story is unfinished, and there is more excitement to come.

But much more than my personal history, I get a feeling of awe when I sit down with my Bible. Like: this book has spoken to the hearts of millions of people across generations. There is an army of people before me, having walked this earth and travelled this road. I guess I feel a connection and a kind of reverence. To those that have come before me and to those that will come after: the truths in this book will remain the same. It's timeless.

If you hadn't realised by now, I'm an emotional woman. I feel things more strongly than perhaps I should, and sometimes I can't get a handle on my emotions; I let them take over me instead. However, emotions like awe and respect and wonder are exactly those that I'm happy to let run riot, so here's to much more of that in the future ;)

I just pray that, even on the days when wonder is placed by confusion/headaches/boredom/tiredness ... I'll still make the choice to open this book.


A little side note ... I'm hoping for a higher photo:text ratio in fututre posts ... I was more inspired to write today :)

Meg

1 comment:

  1. Super encouraging megs. I'm really pleased you're doing this and I'm enjoying going on this journey with you. Thanks for opening up and letting us in. You're awesome!

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