'I'm actually starting to look old.'
Chris raised his eyebrows at me, later that night, as we sat in the bed feeding the baby and anticipating another terrible nights' sleep (It's the perfect time of day for an existential crisis, you should try it.)
'I mean it! I've got, like, wrinkles. Round my eyes. And my mouth. I don't look the way I used to.'
This is new territory for me. I don't mean this as a boast, because I hate it: I've always looked younger than I am. When I fell pregnant with Jellybean it was a legitimate concern of mine that people would look at me and think I was a teenage mother. (It turned out I was right to be worried. I had a few raised eyebrows when I started waddling around with my massive bump.) It's always been a touchy problem for me - people tended not to take me seriously, which immensely frustrated me. I always got ID'd for drinks. Once I even got asked for ID whilst trying to buy spray glue. I was twenty-three and had been married for two years at the time.
Notice how all that was in past tense? It suddenly dawned on me the other day that I couldn't remember the last time I got ID'd for anything. At all.
I've got lines around my eyes and my mouth.
I'm getting ... older.
I don't know how to feel about this. Happy? Worried? But in the spirit of honesty, I'll tell you I had a half an hour moment of overwhelming doom about it.
Chris, very gently, told me that yes, I do look older than when we first met, but given that we first met a long time ago, that's not an unexpected thing. He also, in a tactic that all husbands should use, suggested that I look better as I get older. (Good job Chris). And, in turn, that brought me round from thinking 'Oh no, my life is flying by and I can't stop it' to 'Hey, I get to grow older with this one person, which is great'.
'It feels like five minutes ago that we were, I don't know, driving around aimlessly in your car talking and listening to Sia and Presidents and Aqualung.' Sia before she was cool. Obviously. (Imagine a sunglasses emoji here: that's how I feel about my liking someone before they went mainstream.)
'Really? That feels like ages ago to me.' Chris paused.
'In fact, it was nearly eleven years ago.'
ARGH. I'M GETTING OLD.
But you know what? That's okay.
It's actually kind of good.
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